These days, we need every strategy available to stay grounded by cultivating kindness and compassion for ourselves and each other. Deepening the interconnections with self, community, and the natural world can help transcend the current polycrises.

My next series of blogs (starting with this one), explores “gardening” from the inside-out and the outside-in, offering a lens through which we can understand our place in the greater web of life. This perspective was rooted in the core philosophy of the Insight Garden Program (now Land Together): transforming lives through connection to self, community, and the natural world. If we can ground ourselves in these interconnections, we’re more likely to build resilience and less likely to harm that which sustains us.

Connection to Self —We are literally nested systems of cells, tissues, organs, and bacteria, all coexisting in intricate symbiosis. All parts of us function in alignment, flowing through cycles of growth, decay, and renewal. And what distinguishes us from other living beings is our capacity for consciousness and self-awareness – our “inner garden.”

Care for the Collective — Families, friends, colleagues, communities, organizations,  cultures, and broader social systems shape our world, offering belonging and purpose. They invite us to transcend the limited view of the individual self and step into something more expansive, mysterious, and transformative.

Interdependence with the Natural World —Air, water, soil, plants, animals, and ultimately the cosmos are essential for our survival. We are, quite literally, made of stardust. Without the Earth’s living systems, we would cease to exist.

Tending the Inner Garden

Cultivating self-awareness is the underlying thread of every book I’ve read in the past few months* as a necessary foundation for personal growth, trust-building, community-building, and making a difference. We really don’t have much control over anything other than how we show up in the world. Our energy, intentions, and presence shape not just our own experience but also influences the people and systems around us.

For instance, Murray Bowen’s family systems theory posits that it only takes one person to transform the functioning of  a system…which is a truth that has played out in my life time and time again. If one changes behavior in relation to others, systems do, indeed, shift. And it’s a lifelong journey to practice changing how we show up in relation to those closest to us, and beyond. 

The Four Stages of Awareness

Recently I discovered Ken Wilber’ Four Stages of Consciousness which provides a powerful lens for understanding why people relate (or clash) the way they do and why conflict/misunderstandings can ensue. Many of our greatest tensions come not from disagreement, but from people speaking from different levels of consciousness. All the more reason to use inquiry to understand people’s lived experiences, and then “meet them where they are…” (see the addendum below for further explanation and examples).

Having a deep understanding of our inner dynamics—values, biases, emotional triggers, past traumas, and patterns of behavior — can help surface “blind spots,” “saboteurs,” and “shadow” selves. Self-reflection provides insight into how to show up differently and move through these stages of awareness. It also provides an opportunity to learn to respond rather than react – fostering healthy relationships that can support the greater good, and long-term, meaningful change. 

What Holds Us Back?

While transformation can strike suddenly in an “Aha” moment (and/or designed and facilitated opportunities to elicit these moments), it more than often arises through intention. Countless tools exist to practice presence and literally rewire how our neurons fire—and it’s never too late to start! Cultivating awareness can include: 

Exercise

What are the stages of awareness may apply to you? And how you might explore “ways forward” to increase your level of self-awareness/reflection?

When you think about your own responses or reactions as ripples, what kind of ripple do you want to create? 

Are there specific practices or mindsets you lean on to deepen awareness in more challenging moments?

*Worth a Read!

Loretta J Ross: Calling In: How to start making change with those you’d rather cancel

Connie Zweig: The Inner Work of Age: Shifting from Role to Soul

Deepak Chopra: Digital Dharma – How AI can elevate spiritual intelligence

Positive Intelligence: Mental Fitness

Graphic Above: courtesy of Diane Rigoli

Addendum

A more thorough description of the Four Levels of Awareness is presented below – and how these stages often play out in relationships, workplaces, movements, and misunderstandings:

1. Egocentric (Me) – “I need to survive”

How it shows up: Self-focused behavior, often unaware of impact on others. Decisions are based on instinct, impulse, or personal gain.

In conflict: Little capacity for empathy or self-reflection. Misunderstandings arise from a lack of awareness that others have different needs or realities.

Examples: A leader who hoards power, or someone who lashes out when they feel threatened without understanding why.

2. Ethnocentric (Us) – “I belong if I conform”

How it shows up: Strong group identity and loyalty, often through family, religion, culture, political party, or profession.

In conflict: Tends to “other” people outside the group. Misunderstandings often happen because of rigid rules, judgment, or moral superiority.

Examples: An organization that values “how we’ve always done it” over innovation. Culture wars. “You’re either with us or against us” dynamics.

3. Worldcentric (All of Us) – “I see the bigger picture”

How it shows up: Compassion extends beyond tribe or group. There’s appreciation for diverse perspectives, cultures, and systems thinking.

In conflict: Seeks understanding, holds paradox, and prioritizes shared humanity. Misunderstandings may arise when interacting with people at earlier stages, as the flexibility can seem threatening or disloyal.

Examples: Global justice movements, inclusive leadership, bridge-builders across differences.

4. Kosmocentric (All that Is) – “I am part of the whole”

How it shows up: Deep humility and non-attachment. Identity expands beyond human systems to include the Earth, cosmos, and spirit. Acts from love rather than ego or ideology.

In conflict: Often misunderstood as passive or idealistic. But action flows from deep alignment, not from ego needs or group identity.

Examples: Mystics, wisdom keepers, visionary leaders, or even ordinary people who radiate grounded presence.

Why This Matters in the World Today

How these stages work in society:

A person at worldcentric stage might try to engage a group at the ethnocentric level with logic and openness—and be met with suspicion or rejection. Instead, meeting people “where they are” is critical for understanding context through meaningful dialogue. Similarly, someone at egocentric may view calls for justice or inclusion as personal threats rather than systemic shifts.